“Nobody Wins When the Family Feuds”: Obligatory Mentorship Among Communities of Color
In attempting to navigate the wiles of higher education, the need for mentorship stands out as a necessity. This is particularly true for women of color. While a number of benefits of mentorship exist, especially for those being mentored, there can sometimes be a number of drawbacks and pitfalls to mentorship.
Dr. Bell & I often use the phrase “access begats access” in our presentations, informal talks and research to highlight the benefits of mentorship and encourage women of color to do their part in the effort of pulling additional seats up to the table. In his 2017 hit single, Family Feud, Jay-Z highlights the fate of generations abandoned without guidance from those who have forged paths before them when he says, "What's better than one billionaire? Two. 'Specially if they're from the same hue as you. Y'all stop me when I stop tellin' the truth...Nobody wins when the family feuds. We all screwed 'cause we never had the tools.” Research tell us that having a mentor provides a number of beneficial opportunities (professional development, job leads, publication and conference presentation collaborations, etc.) and that it serves as a culturally-based form of wealth and social capital (Yosso, 2005). However, what benefit does it offer to those that mentor? The whimsical, lofty counselor heart that lies within me of course knows and understands all of the altruistic and communal benefits to being a mentor, but what about the negative residuals? Can I even say that that’s a thing? My short and immediate answer from the radical self-care counselor heart that also lies within me says, “Yes, absolutely!”
For the entirety of my career in higher education, I have always put myself in a position to serve as an advisor and mentor for both individual students and a number of student organizations. My desire to do this always came from my personal belief in their potential, mission, and my ability to help “pull back the curtain” on information and experiences that other individuals and/or systems would not be willing to do. I can honestly say that all of my mentor and advising experiences have provided me with an immense amount of joy and gratitude for being able to influence the lives of young professionals and having many of them now be considered colleagues. It is a feeling that is truly irreplaceable.
Nevertheless (*cue dramatic theme music*), there are times that I also remember feeling completely exhausted by the role of being a mentor. In my reflective time (and in writing this blog post), I think the majority of those feelings came from being a mentor of color at a PWI where support is extremely limited for students of color and many of us end up pulling double duty to make sure that no one is left to navigate the trenches of academia alone. It (still) remains my obligation to kick open the door for others in the way that someone once did (and sometimes didn’t) for me. Unfortunately, this leaves those of us who sign-up for the mentor life with an often overwhelming amount of obligations, stress, and outpouring of oneself that no one thinks to periodically appreciate or even acknowledge. However, ridding ourselves of the blame and obligatory feelings are ultimately up to those of us in the role to manage and set clear boundaries.
Those interested in mentoring should make sure they acquire the proper tools to be a mentor and assess where they are in being able to commit to the task. An October 2014 article published by Inc.offers 7 Key Qualities of an Effective Mentor, which include (https://www.inc.com/jayson-demers/7-key-qualities-of-an-effective-mentor.html):
1. Ability and willingness to communicate what you know
2. Preparedness
3. Approachability, availability, and the ability to listen
4. Honesty with diplomacy
5. Inquisitiveness
6. Objectivity and fairness
7. Compassion and genuineness
Mentoring is a powerful tool that, when leveraged properly, can jumpstart careers, ignite passions, and impact lives. Understanding the mutual obligation to both those being mentored and to yourself as a mentor is critical for success to be guaranteed. So that next time, the mentor bug bites, make sure you’re truly prepared for the journey ahead and know where to go to seek adequate support.
Ebonies, what are your experiences with mentorship? Sound off in the comment box below.
