#Mood4Eva: Resisting Success Guilt

The relative definition of success can take each of us on a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. In childhood, most of us are taught to “be all that you can be” and to “reach for the stars”, but what happens when you actually make it? Why do most of us feel a sense of guilt or shame related to our success even after working extremely hard and facing an endless number of obstacles? Researchers relate these feelings to a form of survivor's guilt comparable to when someone lives through a life threatening or traumatic experience while others they know may not survive. I think we can all agree that completing a doctoral degree and writing a dissertation can be classified as traumatic (if not something worse, LOL). Thus, success guilt is the harboring of similar feelings of shame or diminished excitement about the things one has accomplished. 

Just typing that makes me annoyed :(

This resulting guilt and shame may be fueled by the underlying pressure for continued success and keeping people thinking highly of you. Likewise, feeling that you have somehow moved on to a new way of life, may make those around you feel that you have also moved on from them and are “selling out.” In a song entitled “Mood 4 Eva” from her recent album, The Gift, Beyonce’ specifically addresses those that might have a negative opinion about someone’s success and offers some advice on enjoying the fruits of our labor.

  “I'm so unbothered, I'm so unbothered

Y'all be so pressed while I'm raisin' daughters

Sons of empires, y'all make me chuckle

Stay in your struggle, crystal blue water

Piña colada-in', you stay Ramada Inn

My baby father, bloodline Rwanda

Why would you try me? Why would you bother?

I am Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter

I am the Nala, sister Naruba

Oshun, Queen Sheba, I am the mother

Ankh on my gold chain, ice on my whole chain

I be like soul food, I am a whole mood”

My obsession with this song (aside from it being written by the Queen of our world), comes from deeply rooted feelings of trying to balance the ways in which my life, career, and some relationships have changed as a result of my own success. The pursuit of a doctoral degree is a unique journey that everyone doesn’t survive. It is also one that everyone doesn’t have the guts or fortitude to even begin. I remind myself of this often when I feel the urge to diminish my accomplishments for the comfort of others or when I request to be referred to as Dr. Poole, with the same respect that the men or non-POC in my occupational settings are given. The lyrics ultimately speak to the carefree attitude that we should all adopt in reference to working hard to make our dreams come true. Being educated is not selling out. Living well as a result of following your dreams is not selling out. At the end of the day, as women of color we have been, and always will be, the culture-shifters and chain-breakers that we were destined to be. Shame and guilt have no place in those experiences. So chin up and straighten that crown, Queen! You are a whole mood, and the world needs you :)

What have been your experiences, Ebonies? How do you balance celebrating your success while withstanding feelings of guilt? Sound off in the comments below!