Curating Your Village
For as long as I can remember, I have always been surrounded by individuals (read as “women”) who have motivated, encouraged and inspired me to work hard and to be my very best. In the clinical, academic, athletic, and administrative settings that I now occupy, I often hear stories from other women about how they have actually had a number of men, never women, play the critical role of championing them to reach their goals and strive for greatness. While clearly a great feat, I’m often saddened that other women have never had the opportunity to experience what I know has played a critical role in both my personal development and success: my curated village.
The first #girlboss that I remember emulating was my mother, Amanda. A dedicated Special Education teacher for the last 29 years and single-mother, my mom was (and still is) always a valued source of knowledge, example of perseverance, and trusted confidant. What I loved most about her was her ability to be 100% authentic and offer candid advice about the limitless approach I needed to take towards managing life and who I align myself with along that journey. I have never forgotten the value of those lessons, and it has of course led to me connecting with strong and beautiful women like Dr. D’Jalon Jackson Bell and creating things like Ebonies in the Ivory that I know will impact and influence women everywhere. But what would have happened if I would have let my ego stand in the way of curating my village?
When Dr. Bell and I were working on our dissertations, we decided to start a small writing group with one of our friends who was in law school and a colleague who worked with me, who was also in her doctoral program but started a year after us. While our group of four started out very strong, we noticed a change in my colleague (another woman of color) in which she became increasingly competitive and overly critical of each of us. What was confusing for us was that we all were in different programs (Counselor Education & Supervision, Higher Education Administration, Curriculum & Instruction, & Law), so it was pretty much impossible to feel a need for competition when we each had our own lanes and timelines to adhere to. Nevertheless, this woman was intent that not only should she be working on the same timeline as D’Jalon and I, but that she was also going to tell us what we needed to do in order to complete our dissertations and doctoral programs. While DJ and I are pretty poised individuals (we both tend to let our Baton Rouge and New Orleans roots, respectively, out to play every now and again), her approach and forceful dictation made us realize that she was not a true member of our village, which was one filled with encouragement, transparency, and learning that we had worked really hard to cultivate. Thankfully, I believe she was able to feel the misfit of her being a part of our writing collective and eventually fell behind and dismissed herself from the group. From that time forward, our now trio moved forward offering each other the genuine support, guidance, and motivation that we needed to meet our goals (It worked for Destiny’s Child, why not us?). The chemistry that we created over the course of that twelve months in accomplishing the almost impossible goal of completing a doctorate in 3 years was nothing short of magic and a true testament of what happens when your village is just as committed to your success as you are to theirs.
Although I’ve always taken much pride in having a tight-knit, bossed up circle, since that experience I make it particularly important to continue to adhere to my mother’s advice about choosing my crew wisely and cultivating the type of energy and support I need to make my dreams and accomplishments a reality. So what’s keeping you from curating your perfect village? Is your loyalty causing someone who is not willing to reciprocate championing you and your aspirations to remain in your circle? Do you need to add mentors or a personal board of directors to your life?
One of my favorite Ebonies, Ms. Oprah Winfrey, always says, “Every time you state what you want or believe, you’re the first to hear it. It’s a message to both you and others about what you think is possible. Don’t put a ceiling on yourself.” I would add that you cannot allow others to either. There’s never a more perfect time to shift your circle and curate a village that gives you everything you need to succeed than today, and we hope the Ebonies in the Ivory community provides the perfect place to start. Leave us a comment and let us know what’s needed to help you curate your perfect village.
Until next time...
